One Life To Live: Split Reflections

Friends, Lovers, Family and Husbands

Antonio's really hurting, so I gave him a free pass today when he insinuated that I shouldn't trust Nash with Sarah. Which is completely ridiculous because Sarah is my cousin, she loves Cristian and Nash is totally devoted to our family. I know I shouldn't let Antonio's words get under my skin, but a part of me can't help it ... he was my husband and a very good friend. His words still carry a lot of weight with me. So does Cristian's ... Cris and I managed to become good friends after our romance. I hope to say the same someday of Antonio and me. I know I shouldn't be jealous, but Antonio's words were ringing in my ear when I saw how buddy-buddy Sarah and Nash have become ...

Sticky situations

I could be bothered by the fact that Sarah saw Nash in his boxers ... or I could be super glad that Nash is coming home today. I think I'll go for the latter. I'm so happy he's returning; not even that stupid article Todd printed about Dad and Uncle Bo can bring me down. Sure, it annoys me and I'm going to get to the bottom of it, but who is going to take it seriously? First of all, the article has all these unnamed sources, which pretty much translates into "make believe" and second, business is business. Dad will do whatever he needs to do, but the difference is that he has a heart. It's a sticky situation. And speaking of which ... Antonio. I wanted to make sure he was okay ... I know this is like the pot calling the kettle black, but despite everything, I still care about him. I know I look like a hypocrite, but the past is the past. All I can do it focus on the future. 

Cristian's art

With Nash away in Napa, there are a ton of things I need to take care of, in addition to Bree. Nash asked me to review Cristian's artwork for the new labels and I have to say they are fantastic. I think they embody exactly the spirit and image that Nash wanted. I'm so proud of Nash; the winery is really booming. It really is his passion and I am happy to help him any way I can.

Single parenting

Oh my god, am I tired. Exhausted. Is there a word for beyond exhaustion, because if there is, I ... am ... it! Nash has been gone for a mere two days and I'm so ready for his return. Bree has been non-stop since Nash left. No matter how much baby-proofing I do, she still gets into everything. Just this morning I found her systematically taking out potatoes (of all things!) out of our lower cabinet and placing them carefully on the floor, like they were her dolls. I swear I only turned around for a second. Anyway, parenting is truly a two-person job. How did Mom manage after Joe Riley passed away? I know Dad was there for her, but there must've been some point where she looked at Kevin and Joey and wondered, "How in the world am I going to get through the new hour, let alone the next day?" Lucky for me, Nash is only on a business trip, and I have plenty of family to help me out. But it really helps to have that other person in the middle of the night to help you change a diaper or chase away the "monsters."

Should I be worried?

What is with everyone tonight? First Cris gets all antsy about Sarah and Nash sharing a hotel room, which then gets me all bothered. If it was really a big deal, Nash would mention it ... right? Then Natalie gets all riled up--clearly the girl works too hard if she can't take a joke. I was only teasing! Then Jared gives me a hard time about Nash and Sarah's working relationship and budding friendship ... something is in the air. I don't know what it is, but I'm going home to get away from it.

Life moves pretty fast

Things are really happening for Nash and the winery. Nash and Sarah are off to Napa and he's meeting with big investors ... I'm so proud of Nash for going after his dream, even more proud that he's determined to do this on his own. I know it's not easy being a part of the Buchanan's, even through marriage. But a part of me fears Nash may be in over his head. I don't mean that he's not capable, but things seem to be falling into place awfully fast. Then again, that's life, right? While looking at old photos of Bree yesterday, I realized how much she's grown in the short time she's been alive and how fast these years have flown. Mortality hit me again when I saw an old sketch of myself in Cristian's art studio. God, we were young! Cris says I haven't changed, but he's wrong. I'm light years away from that girl in the sketches. That girl was full of hope and wishes, but she was also scared and unsure. I wish I could tell that girl that it all ends up fine, that life is an adventure--both the good and the bad. I wish I could tell her about Nash and Bree and how happy they make me. I know I shouldn't worry about Nash, but I can't help it.  

Catching up with Mom

It was so good to get some one on one time with Mom today. She looks so happy and dare I say, in love? Or at the very least, in some very deep "like." Charlie seems like a good guy. I'm so glad he and Rex are bonding. 

I told Mom today that I was a little concerned about Nash ... not that he's in over his head, and I'm so proud of him, but everything seems to be moving really fast with the vineyard. And now he's going to Napa with Sarah. I don't mind, but it just seems so sudden ... Still, I don't want to get in the way of Nash's dreams. I just can't help but to worry.

Something fishy

March 13, 2008

I met Nash at the Palace Bar today and told him about visiting Antonio. He totally gave me the get out of jail free card for my guilt with Antonio. He's such a sweetie. But I'm sort of weirded out over his new investors. He's so excited and keeps talking about them, but something just seems off. I mean, Nash doesn't really know a lot about them--or at least he hasn't shared much with me. I don't know, it's just this feeling I get. Grandpa always told me to listen to my gut and it's telling me trouble could be coming.

What could have been

March 12, 2008

I saw Antonio today. Actually, I went over to his apartment. I had to say something after hearing about how he lost the Santi fortune. I admit, I felt guilty. I couldn't--still can't--get it out of my head that I was the one that told Antonio to take that money. He told me it wasn't my fault, and I appreciated it. But part of me still feels bad.

It was great to see Jamie. I haven't seen her forever. It was bittersweet, seeing Antonio. Things between us ended so badly that I was expecting the worse. But he was very cool. Being back in the apartment, seeing the couch, the table, all the furniture, it was weird. It made me sad. Do you ever have those moments where you imagine what could have been? I always think of the movie Sliding Doors. What if I stayed with Antonio? What if I never met Nash?  I love my life and I love my family, but part of me wonders.

Old Friends?!!?

March 11, 2008

Dorian told Charlie that she and Mom were old friends? WHAT? Charlie's new to town, so of course he didn't know any differently, but that took guts for Dorian to spin that one. I told Charlie the truth and gave him a little Dorian-Viki 101. I don't want to get involved, but if Dorian's trying to do something to Mom, I'm not keeping my mouth shut. Charlie left to go find Dorian and he looked ticked.

I feel terrible for Antonio. Cristian came over today because I wanted to talk to him about designing the labels for Nash's new wine. He thought it was a pity job and told me about the government freezing all of Antonio's assets. I couldn't believe it. Antonio has nothing now. I feel terrible. I was the one that urged him to take that money. I was the one that told him he could use it for good--to help Jamie, Carlotta, Angel Square. Now it's all gone and I know Antonio is hurting. I want to do something. I just don't know what.