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Nash sounded funny on the phone ... he says he had a night on the town with Roxy, but I worry about him. He's not talking much about it, but I know losing the vineyard is hanging over his head. As much as I love visiting with Kevin, Joey, Kelly and little Zane, I think I'm needed back home...
It's safe to say there was no one like my grandfather. He was larger than life, bigger and badder, smarter and tougher ... the list goes on. I've been thinking a lot about him the last few days. Not specific memories, but random things like the flash of his blue eyes when he taught us how to play poker, or whenever he needled Nigel or sang "Chantilly Lace." Summers spent at the Buchanan Ranch were the bedrock of my childhood. I definitely will bring Bree there, but it won't be the same without Grandpa, bossing the staff around, teaching the young ones how to ride ... This morning I woke up with the memory of Grandpa asleep on the ranch sunporch, his cowboy hat askew on his head. In his later years, he wasn't as strong physically, but he was just as vibrant.
Todd offered to me the chance to write a longer tribute piece to Grandpa in The Sun. He had Clyde write the obituary. It's a fine piece; Clyde did his research and it was well written. I'm having a hard time getting anything down on paper ... everything I loved and knew about Grandpa are in bits and pieces ... as if they need to be strung together like pearls on a necklace, no end, no beginning, each pearl as luminescent as the next.
I loved my grandpa with the fiercest devotion. When I learned I wasn't a Buchanan by blood, I was devastated. But Grandpa didn't blink an eye. It didn't matter to him, I was still his "Jessie," his blond, blue-eyed girl. He wasn't a perfect man. Sometimes he wasn't a good man. But he was my grandfather ... and for that I will always be grateful.
As much as I miss Nash, it's so good to be here in cheery ole London! Kelly picked me up from Heathrow and we immediately went straight to high tea. We couldn't stay long, however, as Zane and Bree took it upon themselves to "share" scones with everyone in the room. (And by sharing, I mean throwing them.) Still, it's amazing to see how well they've taken to each other.
Kevin is going to watch the kids while Kelly and I go shopping later. I think Joey will join us for dinner. This is exactly what I needed and what Grandpa would love: us--family--spending some time together. I just needed to leave Llanview to clear my head.
Grandpa is gone.
I can't believe it.
We held the funeral immediately after ... Cord, Joey and Kevin flew in. That was probably the only high point of the last couple of days. Everything else was a blur ... I've been trying to be like Grandpa, do the whole stiff upper lip thing, but it is starting to wear on me. I think I need a break, maybe just a little one. Grandpa's death gave me a lot to think about.
Well, tonight was a bust. I guess you could say Nash and I took a gamble and lost. I thought the evening would be a little bit of gambling/fundraising, mingling with old friends, making new friends, some good food and drink. (No alcohol for me, but I can have a "Shirley Temple" now and then.) Basically, good times. Instead, we had yet another tense run-in with Antonio...and Miles...and I felt a little too comfortable betting Bree's birth weight--definitely a side of Tess I don't enjoy or miss. I'm glad we're heading home now. I've had enough of the limelight to last me awhile.
It's too bad Grandpa couldn't make it. He would've been so proud to see Natalie proving herself at Buchanan Enterprises. Dad and Mom seemed a little tense, thanks to Dorian, but at least the money they were gambling is for a good cause. But when he asks, I'm still going to say he didn't miss much.
Not that I'm some kind of Cinderella or anything like that, but I sorta feel like one right now. I'm out of the hospital--free at last--with a prince of a husband and on our way to a fundraiser that Natalie organized. Hopefully we will be able to network and find prospective buyers for the vineyard. Either way, it's sure to be a wonderful evening with my family.
My first few moments at home were going well, even before I stepped foot inside the cottage. Then Antonio showed up, angry and bitter. I can't blame him for wanting to sell his part of the vineyard, but he's not giving Nash much time to come up with the money. Antonio owned 51 percent of Brennan Winery, so either Nash buys Antonio out or finds a suitable partner. Now, I know Nash doesn't have that kind of cash at the moment, so I offered to be his new partner. That reeked of Claudia Reston to Nash, so he turned me down. I understand, but I still think that was a boneheaded move. I also understand Antonio wants to move on with his life ... hopefully this will allow him to move on and let me move on as well. I really don't want any more encounters like the one we had today.
Mom used to say this funny phrase whenever Kevin, Joey or I wanted to get out of the house. I haven't said this in years, but it's exactly how I feel right now. I'm all cooped up in this hospital and I WANT OUT NOW! I'm well enough to sit up and move around. My skin tone is even back to normal. I miss my baby girl fiercely, so much that it's overriding any fear I have about my liver relapsing.
You know you've been in one place too long when you have the cafeteria menu memorized, know all the night staff as well as the day staff and even know when they take their lunch breaks. I even know that shy Albert, the intern on the fourth floor, really likes Marcia, one of the night nurses. When he brought up her name the other day, blushing, I encouraged him to leave a note in her locker, asking her out. Just a moment ago, I swear I saw her walk by my room, her hair all bouncy and curled, wearing perfume and wearing a sexy little black dress. And what do you know, Albert is not on call tonight ... looks like my advice paid off! Now, if only I could get out of here to work on my own love life!
I had a chance catch up with my uncle Todd today. He reacted to my latest dramas with his usual deadpan humor, which somehow made everything seem so very silly. I love how he teaches me to laugh at myself and at the absurdity of life. Todd, more than anyone else I know, has had things happen to him that are truly unbelievable as well as done things that are also not quite realistic.
Miles, my other uncle, on the other hand, seemed to be sweet and naive at first, but now he seems no better than his supposed best friend, Spencer. Blackmail, kidnapping, terrorizing ... he denies it, but the circumstantial evidence is all there. Although Todd has done some pretty despicable things, in the end, family still matters to him. I am not sure Miles is capable of learning what family really means.
Speaking of family, I should be going home to mine very soon. Nash claims Bree speaks in full sentences, begging him to bring me home. I know my child is smart, but Rain man she is not. Ha ha. Still, I can't wait to be home.
