One Life To Live: Split Reflections

Another painful moment

My life seems to be all about joyful moments, immediately followed by painful ones, like different colored beads on necklace. For example, my "Niagara Falls" honeymoon was a happy bead, followed by telling Antonio that I had married Nash, a sad bead.

Antonio understood why Nash and I wanted to get married so fast, but it hurt him just the same. He couldn't help but be brutally honest with his feelings and in true Antonio fashion, he had no trouble expressing himself. Although it had hurt to hear it, I was glad he could say it. Antonio not sharing his opinion would mean something is truly wrong. At least I know now he's going to be all right, just like I'm going to be. 

Utterly conventional

Nash proved he had a "conventional" side by taking me to "Niagara Falls": raincoats, blue streamers, a fan, and a water bottle.  It was the best trip I've ever had without leaving the comfort of my bed. I love that Nash and I have so much fun together no matter where we are.  I know that's how we can survive anything: the ability to laugh together. I never had that with anyone before and I treasure it so much.

But we have to leave "Niagara" sometime ... I couldn't help but think of Antonio ... how is he going to react once he learns how quickly Nash and I got married?

Itchy

I'm itching to get out of here and my stitches feel like they're on fire. All I want to do is scratch, scratch and scratch some more. Ugh. Now that I'm "Mrs. Brennan," I'm itching to go home to the vineyard and get on with my life! I'm also itching to have real food -- a Rodi's burger with the works; ziti with roasted sweet peppers, eggplant, tomatoes and fresh basil from the Palace; Nash's  spicy "my ears are on fire" BBQ, and my favorite, his mushroom and cheddar omelet. A part of me really wants a double vodka, neat  from Capricorn, but sadly, that's not a possibility anymore. No alcohol at all for me, no matter where I am. Which is going to be a wee bit difficult considering I live in a vineyard and Nash is a wine maker!  But whatever. I'm alive, thanks to David Vickers, and that's all that matters.

Little by little

Major progress today! I sat up without wincing in pain! I know that sounds pretty silly, but it's a huge step for me. Dr. Miller is really pleased with my progress. She keeps warning me to take it easy, but I'm so determined to get better so I can go home to Bree and Nash.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll stand up.  And maybe I'll ask Nash to put some red jello across the room. That seems like a nice tool to motivate me to get up. Ha ha.

"Two bodies, one heart"

United at last, me and Nash. I told him today that I worry that life won't be as peachy as we think it's going to be. I mean, look what happened. I thought I was fine, but then my body rejected Antonio's liver. What if it rejects David's, too? I know I can't spend my precious energy worrying about things that are out of my control, but I can't help it. After all we've been through, I just want some peace! The ring Nash gave me is the perfect symbol to show that our lives are full of possibility ...

Healing

There's so much healing to be done in my life.  Resolving Tess and me, my first liver transplant, the end of my marriage to Antonio, my second transplant ... Today I wondered if I will ever be done with the healing. I hope so. All I ever wanted was to be whole, both mentally and physically. Right now, I'm just so tired ... happy, but tired. Nash mentioned today that despite everything, I still have hope. I didn't realize how true that was until he said it. I can't stop having hope because the moment I stop ... I'm done. And I'm so far from done ... there's so much I have yet to do!

David Vickers, unlikely hero

David Vickers, who would've thunk it? He is the world's most unlikeliest hero, but a hero just the same. No matter how many jokes he cracks, I know he has a heart of gold.

I'm still feeling pretty weak, but happy to be alive.

Married!

Finally, at last! Married to the right man, for the right reasons. I look like hell, but I don't care. Nash is my husband and I don't have to hide my love for him anymore.

Lightening can strike twice

I never thought it possible, but lightening does strike twice: they found another liver match and Nash asked me to marry him.  It's almost ridiculous how happy I am. I mean, I was at death's door less than 24 hours ago. I had just gotten a divorce, fainted, then learned my body was rejecting Antonio's liver. I truly thought I was going to die. But I have more hope now. Thank god for David Vickers--never thought I'd say that. And I'm going to marry the love of my life.

Settling in

Nash and I had our first official get-together as a couple. I can't say it was a total success nor was it a bust. Marty looked so uncomfortable the entire time while Miles looked blissfully happy--and totally clueless.  He normally seems a little out of it--a tad too idealistic and hopeful to the point of being unrealistic, but I still think underneath, he has a good heart. He just hasn't been out in the "real world" that much. But why was Marty so uncomfortable, like she was going to jump out of her skin? Something tells me there's another reason why she married Miles and it's not because she's in love with him. I hope she'll eventually feel comfortable enough to tell me.

Speaking of comfortable, I am surprised how easy it's been to settle into life with Nash on the vineyard. I'm not totally able to help him out like I want to since taking care of Bree uses all of my energy, but this is totally my home. My recovery has been pretty simple; it's just that I'm impatient because I thought I would be gaining more strength right now. Instead, I feel winded most of the time. Nash tells me I just had major surgery, so I shouldn't push myself, but I can't help it! I'm eager to start my new life -- my real, great, new life, one free of doubts and conflicts. And by the way, it's still Bree Buchanan, not Brennan Brennan. *smile*

Fireworks, bbq and a little R&R

With the Fourth of July tomorrow, I suggested to Nash we throw a BBQ, invite some friends and their kids over ... then I realized I couldn't invite Jamie. Duh. Of course I can't. Antonio made it painfully clear that I was not a part of her life anymore. Moving on isn't as easy as looks. I feel like I'm leaving a part of myself behind, even though moving on is the right thing to do.  Everything feels so good, and then I get a reality check ... Speaking of which, Marty married Miles! Hel-lo! Maybe I'll invite them, get the 411 ...